What if Tobias never Mended?
by awesomelydivergent
Summary: Tris is gone and Tobias has a never-before-seen attitude towards life and it is costly. But what if it wasn't at all how it seems?
1. Chapter 1- Suicide

Hey guys!

My first fanfic so EXCITED!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Ok so this is about Tobias Eaton's attitude towards life after what happened to Tris.

I wake up with her name in my mouth and the sight of her bright blue eyes. They are a beautiful shade between a mix of light blue and gray. Were a beautiful shade. That's what death does, makes you change your sentence from present to past tense.

I get out of bed because I know how futile it would be to try and sleep. Everything is so empty, from my house to my heart. She should be here, right next to me, in my arms! I scream in rage and punch the nearest thing I could find, which happens to be a glass full of water. It must be very strong because all I accomplished in doing was knock it off the table. I can't believe she's actually gone. My girl. The one and only person I could ever love.

This is the fourth night in a row I couldn't sleep. Ever since her passing, I haven't left the comfort of this dorm. Besides, nothing out there will bring her back. Nothing. And I have to live with that.

To be honest, I'm not even sure what I am doing is even considered living. I follow my routine like a robot- get out of bed. Eat food. Take a shower. Nap. Eat food. Nap. Eat food. Sleep. Wake up.

Usually when a person is grieving a loved one, it ends after a while. They can't handle the emptiness. They learn to _move on_. But the problem is, I don't want to move on. I don't want to forget. I want to remember everything about her. Those beautiful eyes, her blonde curls, how she never realized that she's not ugly. She's perfect.

"I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!" I holler at no one in particular. I recall one of my fears of being smashed like a pancake after unsuccessfully jumping off the building. Now after all those years, it doesn't sound too bad. It almost feels... relieving.

As soon as my foot stepped onto the ledge of the building, my urge to connect with the ground vanished. I relive my thoughts on why I came here. What is necessary to be done. I give myself five seconds- a mere five seconds before I must do what is right. Five- Be brave. Four- Four fears. Three. Two. One. _I love you Tris_

And suddenly, I am unbalanced_. _The next thing I know, I am engaged in a head dive, plummeting towards the cracked concrete. No. No, I am flying. Flying as graceful as an eagle, soaring high and low. And I enjoy this moment before I squash into a pancake and become one with the pavement. _Until we meet again._

Author Note: OMG! How was that? It's not that bad, is it? I want to know if I am the only one who thinks Allegiant should be rewritten. I mean I love Veronica Roth but I really don't favor the ending.


	2. Chapter 2- Survivor

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Chapter 2- Survivor

Anonymous POV

* * *

I watch as the boy's body leaves the top of the building. It lands on the pavement below- hard. His fragile body makes a crunching noise on the impact, no way he survived the fall. I go over to the body and immediately recognize it. He is- no was Tobias Eaton. Evelyn and Marcus's son. I feel nothing for him, nothing. Just numbing. Not even pity. After all, his parents abused him and that, is no way to raise a child. I look at him and see what's left of him. He is very handsome, with dark hair and deep blue eyes. His body is toned and fit, like he could prance at any second. I reach out to touch him, and pull over his eyelids. Such a young boy. His see- through t-shirt allows the tattoos that take over his back to be seen.

The tattoos that cover his body, meaningless.

The ball with the flame.

The eye.

The scale, the tree, and the two hands.

The factions are gone.

* * *

Tris POV

I finally escaped that labyrinth, what they call the Bureau of Genetic Welfare. I camped out in the outside of the building for a few hours so that people would think I'm dead. Just enough time to let the effects settle in. Of course, they wouldn't remember me. Or anything.

What they don't know is this.

I'm alive.

And I'm out for revenge.

* * *

_'"Don't move," David says, raising his gun. "Hello Tris."_

_"How did you inoculate yourself against the death serum?" he asks me. _

_"I didn't," I say._

_"Don't be stupid. You can't survive the death serum without an inoculation and I'm the only person in the compound who possesses that substance. I suppose it no longer matters."'_

_'I twist and lunge toward the device. The gun goes off and pain races through my body. I don't even know where the bullet hit me._

_I can still hear Caleb repeating the code for Matthew. With a quaking hand I type in the numbers on the keypad. The gun goes off again. The green button.' _

* * *

They didn't know.

Before I went into the room, I stripped Caleb of his bulletproof vest and put in myself. The bullet never entered my stomach.

I'm breathing.

I'm a survivor.

And I'm not done.

* * *

AN: Don't worry there are a few chapters more to this story. I just hope more people read and review this story. Be brave.


	3. Chapter 3- Bittersweet

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

Chapter 3- Bittersweet 

**Tris POV**

* * *

I stand as still as a statue, in front of the gates to Chicago. The material feels so foreign and hot from the heat it has collected from the sun. I yank my hand and blow on it, still burning from the touch. I consider the sun to be a phenomenon, so high and bright in the sky. It always amazes me, how it has illuminated the city for generations upon generations. In my perspective, the sun is a yellow circle. However, in my science class I once saw a close-up of it, a giant star- like an orangey- red fireball. The sun sits so safely on its perch- nothing to destroy it or challenge it's massive size.

I wonder what it's like to be huge, and safe not having to worry about losses and just burn brighter than anything else.

I would never know.

The few glimpses I've been able to gather of myself are horrifying. My face is pale and full of fresh cuts. My lips are cracked, beyond repair. My eyes are dim and take a more grayish color than the blue-gray I used to have. Black bags have collected under my eyes, and I have lost a lot of weight. I always knew I was skinny but now I can count many of my ribs. _Sickening._

As I trudge through the compound, I think about what I have missed in the two weeks I have missed. I wonder what happened to my friends. My enemies.

Christina. Zeke. Peter. Cara.

Caleb.

Tobias. His name leaves numbness in my mind and gives me an ache. _What if he moved on already? A new girlfriend? How much has changed?_

Foolish thoughts have raided my mind. He wouldn't do that. He's better than that.

Tobias will be welcoming me home with open arms, ready embrace that.

I can feel it.

I also feel nauseous. I throw up on a dried patch of grass. The color of the vomit is matching with the grass. Lately I have been having cramps, very bad ones. I might be sick with the flu. I mean it is winter, and a layer of snow covers the city.

* * *

When I reach the entrance of the compound after hours of tiredness, the realization hits me. _How stupid of me to think that I can travel to the Hancock Building on foot. _I search for an automobile and find a truck parked next to a tree. Thank goodness for the Amity's strong trust in one another, because a few yards away from the truck is a metal pole sticking out of the car baring keys. The only reason the keys are stuck to the pole is because they are clipped on. I pull the only one of the two left on there.

I jam the key into the handle on the driver's side and see that it doesn't work. Fortunately, the second key works. As soon as I sit inside the car, the smell of garbage reeks into my nose. _No wonder this was left behind. _In the back seat are piles of spoiled bananas.

_Bananas of all the things!_

I roll down the window with a black crank attached to the door. The grip of the wheel is enough to intimidate me, the car could crash at any second while I attempt to drive.

I press on the accelerator and the car jolts forward into the pole.

_Nice Tris. You haven't even tried yet and you crash the car._

I decide to inspect the damage later as I turn the wheel to the right and swerve onto the road. I fairly remember the way back to the dauntless compound- just follow the deserted train tracks.

I can't seem to control the speed and wheel so occasionally I hit into obstacles such as garbage cans. _Whoops!_

* * *

The Hancock building is just ahead, so I press on the other pedal- I think it's called the brake. The keys are safely stashed in my pocket as I ditch the car and run with energy; knowing that everything will be alright. People inhabited this building and look at me as I run inside. I do recognize a few faces, but that's it.

I rush up to the receptionist and blurt out the question that has haunted me for hours, "Where's Tobias Eaton? Four?"

The receptionist, he's shorter than me and has an annoying, frilly voice when he responds, "Tobias Eaton's body was found outside of this building a few days ago. It appeared that he jumped off. I'm sorry, who are you?"

And at that moment, I can't breathe.

_Tobias, what have you done?_


	4. Chapter 4- Sick and Sad

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

Chapter 4- Sick and Sad

**Tris POV**

* * *

I slowly walk out of the building, people pushing me as I try to make my way through. My throat is constricting and I need to breathe in air. Not this excuse for shelter. As soon as I step out into the yard, the cold weather engulfs me, reminding me to find a change of clothing. I've been wearing a sweatshirt this whole time. It's likely that I am sick.

I find an isolated place under a tree and sit down. I prop my knees up and place my head in it, my arms cradling it.

_Am I such an important figure in his life that he couldn't stand losing me? Why couldn't he have just waited for me? How could he have lost faith in me that quick? _

I start bawling like a baby, the tears dripping from my face and staining my clothes. People give me odd stares but I don't care.

I lost him.

Forever.

* * *

I don't eat anything that night as I climb into the bed in the room I was assigned. Talking to anyone would be unbearable. My stomach grumbles and I tell it to hush. I haven't eaten in a day, but whatever. Unfortunately, my stomach decides to be stubborn and to continue creating noises. I turn to my right side, next to the faulty lamp attached to the wall. It is surprising how they converted this empty building into an apartment in such a short amount of time. The bed creaks as I try to massage my leg- I have another bad cramp.

The space overwhelms me, it's so empty. How cozy it would be to snuggle up with him in the bed, together.

It reminds me of how I finally got over my seventh fear a few weeks ago. And it was worth it.

He was a part of me.

I was a part of him.

Just thinking about him alone makes me miss him.

When I found out about what happened, I was silently praying that by some miracle- he could have only broken his back. That he could survive the fall. Anything but death.

My eyelids start to close and I am about to fall asleep. But I feel something tickling me. I try to scratch my arm but when my hand reaches it I look up at horror.

"EWWW! BUG! EWWW!" I'm normally not afraid of the diseased creatures but this one was scary. It was a HUGE cockroach. And I mean HUGE.

I look to see that I am now on the floor, and squished the bug with my forehead. Disgusting. It's body is completely squashed and is dripping down my eyebrow. The glass of water on the nearby table finds its way to my hand and I dump it on my face.

I rush to the bathroom and wash my face for at least a thousand times when I feel bile surging up its way in my throat. I grab the toilet and puke my guts out.

_I have a feeling that this wasn't the cockroach's fault._

* * *

AN: I've held many cockroaches in my hand before (the Madagascar Cockroach) and their huge. I'd be scared if I found one in my bed. I mean what if I sleep with my mouth open? Or what if it climbs into my glass and water, and then I get thirsty and then I drink cockroach water?! I'd probably die...

Anyway I love Divergent.

Just putting it out there.

Have you watched the new trailer, the two minute and thirty second one? I love the actors (especially Shailene Woodley) but I think the movie is going to suck. Well its not March yet so...you never know!

This is an extremely long Author's Note.

Thanks for reading!

Be brave.


	5. Chapter 5- Impostitories

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

Chapter 5- Impositories

**Tris POV**

* * *

I don't eat as much anymore- there's really no point. The realization has finally hit me.

_Everyone dies. Sooner or later._

It wouldn't make a difference if I died now, tomorrow, or next year. Nothing would happen. Everything and everyone would move on. Well, I have no one left.

My stomach doesn't ask for food anymore and I am extremely grateful, everything just comes back out. Once in a while, I'll have a sandwich or some lettuce leaves. Water is the only substance that enters my body unquestioned.

The bones in my body are clearly visible, and I am always exhausted.

I'm sick.

I'm dying.

I know that. And I'm okay with it. I lived my life and have seen things that normal teenagers shouldn't have to worry about. I remember one year ago, I was selfless and never thought about where I would be when I'm older. That I would never leave Abnegation.

I miss it.

One week ago, I stopped functioning when I found out about Tobias's death. Ever since then, I make sure to only leave my room in emergencies.

I don't want anyone seeing me like this. It would be unbearable.

The sleepiness overwhelms me and I drift off into a nap.

_Sweet dreams..._

* * *

The pounding on my door sends a jolt through my body.

_Who could that be?_

I tip-toe across the floor in an attempt to peek through the peep-whole. Did I mention I was, again, too short to reach through.

So instead of following through with my plan for agility, I end up falling over my legs, and breaking the fall with my face.

_Ouch._

"I know you're in there Tris! Now let me IN!" Christina yelled with an emphasis on the 'in'. I can't open the door because then she'll see me. I come up with a better idea.

"Herro, nobo-ty home, just cleaning laaaady!" I say in the best accent I could pull.

"TRIS OPEN UP THE GODDAMN DOOR OR I WILL DO IT!" Dang I thought my accent would really work.

Time for Plan-B! "Uhhh, I would love to but I am taking a shower. Would you be so kind to leave and let me cleanse myself in peace, hmm?"

I guess she believed it because I hear the loud echos of her footsteps down the hall and away from the room. Maybe I should take a shower. I smell like... well it's pretty bad.

In the shower-

I sing this song I once heard other boys singing. I don't completely understand the lyrics but it is amazingly catchy.

_I you like big butts and I cannot lie_

_You other brothers can't deny_

_(singing)_

I grab my towel when I'm finished and dry myself off. Removing the towel is the most painful part, letting in the cold air. The invisible hairs on my body rise and small bumps form everywhere.

My hands grab some random clothes tossed on top of the cabinet I put there earlier. When I look into the mirror- there's no way of hiding it. My pants and shirt are too large, they once used to be tight. My face is all bones and so is my body.

My ears keen on the voice outside and I know I am not alone.

"Tris. Come out. Please." How the fudge did she get into my fricking house? This woman knows no bounds!

I can't avoid it so I twist the doorknob. She takes one look at me and her face contorts into a look of disturbance.

"Tris what happened to you?"

"Is it that bad?" I ask while fidgeting my fingers. She nods in agreement and says something that scared the - out of me.

"You need to see a doctor."

* * *

"No way. NO. NOOOOOOOOOO! I'm not seeing a DOCTOR. I am PERFECTLY fine CHRISTINA."

"Tris you look like a pile of moving bones." she responds not knowing how pissed I am.

I refuse again only to be surprised by her bold answer.

"IF YOU DON'T COME BY FREE WILL, I WILL PERSONALLY DRAG YOU AND ALL YOUR SHIT DOWN TO THE - DOCTOR AND YOU WILL NOT LIKE IT."

Aw geez, I'm caught. I slump my shoulders in surrender and follow Christina out the door. Onward, to treatment.


End file.
